Days ago I wanted to blog about living life to the fullest! Yep, I
still have dreams at 51 having lived over half my life with HIV. Then, one morning when I woke, I wanted to blog about drowning, that is,
feeling like you're drowning in the shit called life.
Then, as I laid in bed trying to face another day with another headache
from one of my HIV medications, of which I've had for days, I
started thinking about how one can have so many emotions wrapped up
into one being, one existence. But that's how life is, a lot of grey and
the black and white tend to be that, two very different shades that
renders two very different outlooks. Even when you wear all white or all
black, they do different things and both speak volumes with just one
So how does one live with purpose and dreams when it feels like you're
drowning in shit? I tell you how, one day at a time and even sometimes
by the hour and minute. Like yesterday, I was so overwhelmed;
overwhelmed with the fact that my head won't stop hurting. Days like
that make me hate HIV medication.
Overwhelmed with the fact I feel like I'm sleep deprived, but yet I've
had at least 9-10 hours every night this week. Days like that I hate
Overwhelmed with the fact that I've invested everything I have into RLT Collection
I mean every penny, even to the point of reducing my life style
luxuries, like I turned my cable off. Yep, I thought what's the point
when I'm always reading anyway and I typically get all of my breaking
news from Twitter
so I turned it off last week. But for sure, I miss the luxury of
turning on TNT and watching Law and Order whenever I want too.
I stopped my Sunday New York Times delivery and Lord knows I enjoy
sitting in bed on Sunday before church sipping tea and reading the book
reviews they send with the paper. I reduced my landline phone service,
don't use it anyway. I stopped my water delivery, sad about that one and
ummm the list goes on.
So I'm trying to build this business and sales have been very low in the
last few months. The two have not been in sic, Investment and Sales.
Now I know that slumps happen, I just have to weather this storm.
Overwhelmed is not the word for me right now, with literally no eggs in the refrigerator and the headache from hell.
Yet, I'm also overwhelmed by the good things that are happening in my
life because the bad things confuses the good things and place you in
some weird kind of limbo.
Like I know I'm moving toward some kind of breakthrough with RLT Collection
In the last 16 months, minus the last few I've grown by leaps and
bonds. My Instagram account is growing daily, thank God for the help I
have running it daily.
I'm in the process of designing some pieces for Quad Webb-Launceford
, from Bravo's Married To Medicine
. I launched necklaces to my collections and I'm actually
talking to a department store about a trunk show, which takes over a
year or more sometimes to happen. So I know I'm on the verge of a
breakthrough, my HARD work will pay off, but when you have nothing to
pay the bills in the right now, the blessings of tomorrow seems so out
How do you stay sane, long enough to receive your miracle, your
blessing, your breakthrough? You remember that each day is a miracle, a
break thought and a blessing. Most importantly, you keep living in your
right now! It's not enough to be alive and muddle through life. When we
only do that, we squander the gift of life.
Honestly, I do little things to find solace in the mist of chaos. I read
for example. A good book takes my imagination and spirit to a new
place. In the pages of a good book, I don't have to think about the
headache that I currently feel. It doesn't cure me of my headache, but
it cures me of the stress of the headache.
I take it one day at a time and like I said earlier, some days one hour.
It's like this, one hour I read and then another hour I bead. Can't let
all my hard work on RLT Collection
go to hell with a headache. I may not be able to do detail work on my
bracelets, like wire wrapping or knotting, but I can put beads on
stretch and that gets that bracelet one step closer to being finished.
I don't surrender to the darkness! The key to my life has been finding
the balance that is rooted in both my hope for a better tomorrow, my
faith that God has promised me better tomorrow's, patience and
understanding that God's tomorrow is not on my time frame and the
absolute understanding that I live in this life because in the face of
light and darkness, today is the guarantee of God's blessing on your
How do I know, just do this simple thing right now, put your hand in
front of your mouth, now blow. You feel the hot air? Awwww that's a
blessing from God! The two sides of life has a way of overwhelming us in
our right nows, but as long as you remember that there is a blessing in
all things, you can go on with what you are facing in the right now.